Stories

NOW THIS IS A REAL EDUCATION
Us older people need to learn something new every day...
Just to keep the grey matter tuned up.

Where did "Piss Poor" come from? Interesting history.
They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot.
And then once it was full it was taken and sold to the tannery...
If you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor".
But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot...
They "didn't have a pot to piss in" and were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.

Here are some facts about the 1500's

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May,  and they still smelled pretty good by June.  However, since they were starting to smell, Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.
The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women, and finally the children.
Last of all the babies.
By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.
Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath.
It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof.

When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof.  Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs."  There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.
This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings  could mess up your nice clean bed.
Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.
That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.
Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing.
As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, It would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way.  Hence: a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.
Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.

Hence the rhyme:

Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.
When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.
It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon."
They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter.
Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death.
This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status.
Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle,
And guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey.
The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days.
Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.
They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.
Hence the custom; holding a wake."

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people.
So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave.
When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.
Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell" or was "considered a dead ringer."

And that's the truth.

Now, whoever said history was boring!!!

So get out there and educate someone!

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the heck happened?"

We'll be friends until we are old and senile, then we'll be new friends.

Smile, it gives your face something to do!


******************************************************


Water Friends


-----------------------------------
BLT

This, Lion, Tiger,                                                            And, Bear,                                                            Are, Most,                                                            Unlikely,                                                            Gang, Of,                                                            Friends, You,                                                            Animals,                                                            Nature

This Lion, Tiger, And Bear Are Most Unlikely Gang Of Friends You'll Come Across

They came from a background of abuse and fear. Now they've bonded together and are truly inseparable.

This is Leo the African Lion, Baloo the Black Bear, and Shere Khan the Bengal Tiger.

twistedsifter.com

The threesome were rescued as babies from the basement of an

Atlanta drug dealer’s home when it was raided by authorities.

twistedsifter.com

They were starving, traumatized, and had bacterial infections.

twistedsifter.com

Since then, they were brought to Noah’s Ark Animal Sanctuary…

twistedsifter.com

…Where they’ve lived in the same habitat together for 13 years.

twistedsifter.com

The only time the three were separated was when Baloo was sent to surgery.

While at the drug dealer’s home, Baloo had been mistreated so profoundly that the harness that was put
on him had grown into his skin.
twistedsifter.com

The two cats were distraught and cried for the bear’s return when

he was at the vet’s. Since then, no one has separated the group.

twistedsifter.com

They had clearly bonded during their earliest memories, and never

wanted to be apart.

twistedsifter.com

Now they live together as if they were brothers of the same species.

twistedsifter.com

They play together, nuzzle one another, and are extremely affectionate.

twistedsifter.com

The threesome are the only lion, tiger, and bear living

together in the entire world.

twistedsifter.com

They’re just that exceptional.

twistedsifter.com

Humans could really learn from the bond that these three have.

Facebook: Noah's                                                            Ark Animal                                                            Sanctuary
Facebook: Noah’s Ark Animal Sanctuary

No one ever told them they couldn’t love one another, so they did just that.

Facebook: Noah's                                                            Ark Animal                                                            Sanctuary
Facebook: Noah’s Ark Animal Sanctuary

And now, even all these years later, they continue to do so.

huffingtonpost.com
The trio are affectionately referred to as BLT, standing for bear, lion, and tiger.
They might just be the most adorable grup ever!



Cigars
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then
insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great
cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost ' in a series of > small fires.'

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that
the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued - and WON! (Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company
that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the
lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that
the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure
them against fire, without defining what is considered to be
unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance
company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his
loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.

( still Stay with me ... ) NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him
arrested on 24 counts of ARSON !!! With his own insurance claim and
testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer
was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was
sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award
contest in teh USA
.



King Arthur and the Witch !!!


Young  King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom,  as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would  have a year to
figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still  had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?...What do  women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most  knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.  But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to  his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the  wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one  could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him  to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous  throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but  to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would  have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to  marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table  and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She  was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage,  made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant  creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to  marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of  the proposal, spoke with Arthur, He said nothing was too big of  a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the  Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch  answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants,  she answered....is to be in charge of her
own life.

Everyone  in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth  and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the  neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the  witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached  and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the  bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he  had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked  what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so  kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her  horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the  other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the  day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the  day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in  the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a  hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him  to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?


What would YOU do?  

What Lancelot chose is below.  BUT....make  YOUR choice before you
scroll down below.  OKAY?



....


















 ...







Noble Lancelot said that he would  allow HER to make the choice
herself.

Upon hearing this, she  announced that she would be beautiful all the
time because he had  respected her enough to let her be in charge of her
own life.

Now....what do you think the moral to this  story is?

---- 









The  moral is.....
If  you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things  are going to get  ugly








Most Embarrassing First Date


Since we were on the subject of “Nuts and Dates” in yesterday’s post, I wanted to share this one with you. Since it’s from “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” you may have already seen this.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter… Snowing and quite cold… And the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah . It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about ‘what is taking so long’ with a reply that indeed, she was ‘freezing her butt off’ and in need of some assistance!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal.
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.
So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down.
Or perhaps that should be ‘pants down.’ And you thought your first date was embarrassing!
Jay Leno’s comment… “This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.”
Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.



Loving relationship with husband seminar

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"  Some women answered today, some yesterday, some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."  The women were then told to exchange phones and to read aloud the text message responses.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Who is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?
3. I love you too.
4. What now? Did you crash the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What did you do now?
7. ?!?
8. Don't beat around the bush, just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed we would not drink during the day.

12. Your mother is coming to stay, isn't she??





The Golden Years
Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down.
I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.

My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition's the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the door,
I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car,
and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered;
I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice.

"Idiot," she barked, "I dropped you off!"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
She retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."Yep it's the golden years.

----------------------------------------------- 
"The Green Thing"

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my day".

The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books. But too bad we didn't do the green thing back then.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.

We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from smart-ass young people.

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.




The Kopi Luwak Coffee Story

Kopi Luwak Coffee has a very unusual origin unlike any other coffee bean. The Luwak denizen (a member of the cat family also known as the Asian Palm Civet) of the coffee plantations of Java, Sumatra, and Sulawesi, eats only the ripest coffee cherries. Unable to digest the coffee beans, the Luwak graciously deposits them on the jungle floor where they are eagerly collected by the locals. The stomach acids and enzymatic action involved in this unique fermentation process produces the beans for the world’s rarest coffee beverage.
Kopi Luwak Coffee bag
“The secret of this delicious blend," enthuses the Indonesia Tourism Promotion Board, "lies in the bean selection, which is performed by a luwak, a species of civet cat endemic to Java. The luwak will eat only the choicest, most perfectly matured beans which it then excretes, partially digested, a few hours later. Plantation workers then retrieve the beans from the ground, ready for immediate roasting." The coffee has also become known to some people as civet coffee or weasel coffee and others just call it cat poop coffee.
Kopi Luwak Coffee began showing up in North America during the 1990s at the height of the gourmet coffee craze. It has been sold in the U.S. for up to $600 per pound and can fetch as much as $50 for a single brewed cup in fine restaurants around the world. Because of the rarity of this coffee, the price is quite high. You are paying for the experience of enjoying such an unusual and rare delicacy as well as a spectacular cup of coffee.
You may have seen Kopi Luwak Coffee in the 2007 movie, The Bucket List, where it is actor Jack Nicholson's beverage of choice and he carries a supply with him wherever he goes. This has become known as the Bucket List Coffee The Oprah Winfrey Show featured this coffee as well. And of course there are many documentaries shown on television- It is known as the most expensive coffee in the world and one that is well worth it.

Kopi Luwak Coffee

Touted as the rarest and most expensive coffee on earth, this coffee lives up to its reputation. Rich, strong flavored, and amazingly full-bodied, this is the perfect cup of coffee to savor. It is an exquisite combination of the various features found in other coffees and an excellent combination of chocolate and syrupy taste. The unique fermentation and origin of the beans makes Kopi Luwak Coffee truly exceptional and one-of-a-kind.

http://www.volcanicacoffee.com/estate-coffee/kopi-luwak-coffee.htm


A note about the habit of reading:

http://oupeltglobalblog.com/2013/01/31/reading-for-pleasure-appealing-to-learners-not-readers/ 

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